WHY RESPECT FOR NO SHOULD START IN THE HOME.
Previously, I wrote a story titled, “What If No Was Never Respected,” and I would like to present this scenario, based upon a meme that I saw. John is 15 and lives down the road from Mary. John has a crush on Mary, but it’s not reciprocated. One Saturday afternoon, John walks past Mary’s house and sees her in the yard.
“Hey, Mary!” he calls out. “Want to come down to the milk bar?”
“No, thank you,” Mary replies.
“Just for a little while.”
“I said no, thank you.”
Mary’s father hears this, and says, after John pushes, “Go down for a little while with him.”
So, Mary reluctantly does so, and when she wants to go home, after less than 15 minutes, John tries to push her to stay. She says no, and she goes home. Mary’s father asks if she had a good time, and she replies, “No!” and goes to her room and slams the door.
I had a situation like this with my brother, when I was 16. The weekend before, I helped my parents in the yard while he was down at the beach with his friend, his sister and their father. The following day, after I’d done the Japanese Proficiency Test, and passed, I had to wash both my parents’ cars, while my brother watched TV. On the Sunday afternoon in question, my brother had been playing around with his mates, while I was helping my parents, and my mother promised me a haircut, which I had, and then had a shave and shower. I wanted to relax with a cold lemonade and read the paper, but my brother said, “Will you play cricket?” I replied, “No.” He then entreated, “A little game,” and kept doing so, and I was furious with my father because instead of saying to my brother, “Listen, while you were down at the beach last weekend, Peter was here, helping us. Today, while you were off with your friends, Peter was helping us. You’ve asked, Peter has given you an answer, so leave it!” he said, “Have a little game with him.” So, when I was cool and refreshed, I got hot again.
What did we see in these situations? In John’s case, he harassed Mary, and when she was pressured into going out with John, John was happy, but it was short-lived as Mary did not have a good time. In my brother’s case, he pestered me to do something I did not want to do, and what happened? He got what he wanted, but I didn’t get a good time. For much of my life, I was forced to mask myself to go along with my brother. When I was 18, and reached adulthood, I was a somewhat angry young person who was sick and tired of having to appease a pesky little brother.
So, respect for no has to start in the home and between siblings. And parents should be respectful, too. I remember another incident where my brother wanted to go on a waterslide, but I didn’t, and my mother pressured me. At another theme park, there was a car where they said, “To drive, you must higher than this bar or accompanied by an adult.” No such sign was up there. My mother said, “I hope you’re happy.” My brother could have gone on it by himself (as it was, he did), but my mother then changed tack to, “Go on it with him.” Followed by, “I’ll see you after you’ve been on the slide, not before.” I was scared, and for a time, in retrospect, I wish that I could have had it suspended and had a chopper come and rescue me. My parents were angry and claimed that I made a fool of myself, and of my family. Well, hello, I said no but you pressured me, so you reap what you sow!
That’s not to say that if a child says that they want to throw rocks at passing cars that the parents should be able to say, “Okay,” but if it’s something lawful, and the person says no and it’s not against the law to say no, then no should be respected. Let’s not forget, if a person does something under duress, it usually is not enjoyed. No is a small word, but a powerful one.