WHEN SOME ADVICE SHOULD BE A RED FLAG.

As most of my readers know, I do not believe the tripe that men and women cannot be platonic friends and that it can ruin relationships or prevent them from being formed if they do.

I remember a woman with whom I was friends, who didn’t want a relationship, but subsequently entered into a relationship with a man who didn’t want her to meet with any of her male friends, and compare that to some men and women who are in platonic friendships who have pacts, regardless of the sexual orientation of either party, that if they enter into a relationship with another person, their partner must accept that they have a friendship with someone of the opposite sex. Which do I consider to be the more mature relationship? The latter.

There are plenty of women who have male friends who are gay and plenty of men who have friends who are lesbians as friendship is just what they want. And some women who have gay male friends even if they have a male partner, do so because they feel secure and know that sex won’t come into it. And let’s not forget, many gay males are respectful of women and would cheerfully offer to walk a woman home or give her a lift because they care about them.

I remember watching a story about a young woman who was murdered by her controlling male partner, and she had a male friend who was gay, and he didn’t want him to have anything to do with his partner.

We all know that domestic violence is not caused by stressful jobs, alcohol (alcohol adds fuel to the fire, but a person who gets drunk and violently assaults someone and is sorry later, once, maybe, twice, no, and three times, absolutely not. A person who abuses their partner and buys them flowers is dangerous) or anything else. It is caused by controlling behaviour.

If a man is the abuser, he most likely wants his mates to believe that he’s a good guy. And sometimes, the abuser is someone who is so weak that they have to use their weakness to dominate another.

A person who doesn’t want their partner to have any association with the opposite sex is not just insecure, they are controlling. And a person who expects their partner to fulfil all of their needs is selfish. And anybody who would advise a person to cut off their friendships with the opposite sex is dangerous. Okay, for context, if you have a friend who rings you at all hours of the day and night wanting this and that, you might have to say, “Look, I can’t just drop everything because you want my attention. My family needs my attention, too.” But if someone says, “Keep any association with the opposite sex professional,” I say, “If a colleague wants to be a colleague and a colleague only, respect that. And it is wrong for a person of a higher rank to abuse someone, but you can be friends with the opposite sex. And what some people ignore is, if you share some details of your relationship with a friend of the opposite sex, they might well think, “Hey, I wonder if my partner might like that,” or, “I wish my partner would do that for me.””

So, if you have a partner or someone in your life who wants you to cut ties with friends of the opposite sex, that must be treated as a red flag.