WHAT A NEUROTYPICAL PARTNER WHO WAS A GOOD FIT FOR ME WOULD HAVE TOLD MY GRANDFATHER.
We’re sitting on the porch of my grandparents’ house in summer, and my grandfather asks how we met.
Girlfriend: At the Japanese Society at the University of Queensland, Mr. Wynn.
Grandad: Okay. I have been supportive of Peter studying Japanese and if they want to go to Japan, that’s fine. I’d rather they stayed here.
Girlfriend: Well, we both have an interest in Japan, and it wouldn’t be for life.
Grandad: That’s all right then. But what do you find best about Peter?
Girlfriend: Peter seems to find great joy in their special interests, and Japan and Japanese is one of them. Peter notices things and takes deep dives into topics of interest and points out things to me that even I fail to notice.
Grandad: That’s nice. But what else?
Girlfriend: Well, they’re kind, gentle, have a strong sense of justice, loathe Hanson and so do I.
Grandad: Oh, that’s good. I loathe Hanson, too.
Girlfriend: Yes, she’s racist and stupid.
Grandad: Definitely. What else?
Girlfriend: Peter can be fussy, but they don’t maul me like others might and they don’t objectify me, either.
Grandad: That’s good. Peter’s never been a really affectionate person. Gentle, yes, affectionate no.
Girlfriend: Yes.
Grandad: Well, you have to accept a person for who they are, you can’t change them. Peter’s mother tried to change them when they were younger; their brother was sports mad and they were forced to play cricket and football with them when they were growing up. I always felt sorry for Peter when their brother wanted to do this and that and their mother would force them to go off with them even though they hated it.
Girlfriend: Peter doesn’t have a lot of the typical male interests, like football or cricket. They don’t even like sport. They like having a Japanese car. Peter’s brother loves cricket and football.
Grandad: Yes, I remember the family came out to see us just before Christmas 1987. Peter wanted to talk to us; they were going through hell at school, but Peter’s brother wanted to play cricket and was forced to go off with him. Then, after lunch, Peter’s brother asked if they could ride the bike from the shed, and their mother said, “Yes. Peter, you go off with him.” Peter didn’t want to.
Girlfriend: Yes, Peter recounted an incident where they tried to tell their mother that it wasn’t fair and she just said, “But you shouldn’t be inside with your grandparents; you should be outside.”
Grandad: Neither my wife nor I were the “children should be seen and not heard” type of grandparents. Peter’s mother let their brother do whatever he wanted, while Peter wasn’t given any choice. I wish I had stood up for Peter more.
Girlfriend: Yes, Peter had a difficult childhood and adolescence.
Grandad: That’s true. But luckily, they’ve found you.
My ideal fit would be a fellow autistic, but this is what a neurotypical who accepted me would be like.