TOXIC MASCULINITY AND AUTISM.

"What are you doing inside reading a book? You should be outside kicking a football." These are the words that many a young male, who is not overly sporting may hear from an old-school adult figure.

I don't necessarily agree with everything Professor Tony Attwood says, but a video in which he featured made a point that I agree with. He said that some males on the autism spectrum, and this applies to me, too, have developed the idea that males are supposed to be macho and we're not.

From when I was at school, I have felt wrong about my masculinity because I'm not a macho type. I'm not interested in tackle football, boxing or even sport generally. I went to school in the era where, if you were Australian, you were either a Holden fan or a Ford fan. It wasn't my thing, but I tended to prefer the Ford for its more placid styling, and the fact that the Holden people weren't nice people.

I even remember, one day, a guy I went to school with say, "You should be in the girls' toilet," and another cruelly said, "Oh, no, in between." One wrongly directed me to the female toilet and thought it hilarious and it made me feel awful.

Add to that the fact that I had an old school mother and her father believed that I should have been in the army cadets, even though the defence forces weren't for me, and I had a very difficult childhood and an even more difficult adolescence. I had a brother who loved football and my mother would insist that I play it with him, yet when he ran and crashed into me, I would tickle him rather than tackle him.

So, it was of little surprise to me to learn that those of us who like cats tend to be more metrosexual. I have had some pleasure in rediscovering some things, such as seeing and wanting to buy clothes (this year, I've bought a pair of jeans, a new casual jacket and I'm buying a gold watch (my plan is, I'll wear the silver watch I have with blue and grey and maybe some red, and the gold watch with green, brown and cream and maybe some red and I'll wear the gold watch during April, on June 18 and when my insurance premiums are deducted as I'm a gold club member of RACQ)). What has been most empowering, however, is discovering that I decide my gender expression, not an external influence. My mother had thought that silver was more a man's colour than gold, but I can now say, that's her opinion and opinions are just that. If I want to have a gold watch and a silver watch, I can and that's my right as an individual. And if I feel more comfortable in a menswear store than a typical male store, so what.

One of the best things said to me was from my gastroenterologist who said, "Guys on the spectrum aren't your typical, macho males." She finds me non-threating and is accepting of me.

Yes, there are examples of toxic masculinity amongst autistic males, but these are associated with other factors, such as sexual sadism.

So, if an autistic male is not exhibiting sexual sadism, why not just let them be who they are and who they want to be? They're not hurting you.