Thank you, Lin. I have my fair share of health issues, and one of the worst things that was ever said to me was by my mother. I remember, almost 36 years ago to the day, two awful things were said to me. My brother was going to try out for a swimming carnival and my maternal grandfather had to go out that day and he told me he was disappointed in me and that I should take up a sport. I have no interest in sport, not even watching it. I don't actively watch rugby league, but I like the Canberra Raiders and not because I like a player, but because the coach, Ricky Stuart, has an autistic daughter, and he is very supportive of the autistic community. Later that day, we'd just finished religious education, and a kid in my class who was a bully, was a Catholic and I a Protestant, so he went to the Catholic section and I the Protestant one, and the teacher asked what was the name of the disciple whose name meant "Stone". And I up my hand up and was chosen, and said, "Peter". And I was right. This kid came back into the class and snickered, "Does your name mean "Rocks", Peter?" Later, I was able to take some pride when someone said, "He was being nasty; think of it as being you're rock solid and firm. And remember, "The Foolish Man built his house upon the sand and the rains came down and the floods came up and washed his house away, while the Wise Man built his house upon the rock and his house wasn't washed away.""
Anyway, when I mentioned something about my grandfather, my mother said, "Maybe if you'd done a sport, your health wouldn't be where it is." Okay, what's wrong with that? My conditions are autoimmune conditions, and one is arthritis. Wear and tear arthritis can come from overuse of a joint, but with mine, well, no, I have a gene that 10% of the world has but 90% of people with the arthritic condition have this gene. Taiwanese musician Jay Chou has the same condition.
I was between a rock and a hard place when I was 16, as I remembered on my 16th Birthday, I started vomiting, and it would happen a lot and I felt nauseous. My mother said, when I was diagnosed with coeliac disease that at 16, I should have been able to say I thought I needed to go to the doctor. I couldn't for two reasons. One, of the only doctors I've had whom I've liked, one was still at university, two were doing their specialist training and one was still in primary school at the time. My mother asked me, after I had a meltdown when she forced me to see a doctor she knew I didn't like (he was a combination of Becker but not so caustic and Doc Martin) if I'd rather have gone to the hospital and seen Joe Blow. Well, to be honest, when I was ten, in retrospect, I would rather have gone to the hospital and by luck seen my gastroenterologist as an intern and had her say, "Um, I'll just have to check with my supervisor," and scurried down the hallway and returned a few minutes later, than seen a doctor who, my mother thinks is a very good doctor, BUT, that's the same as saying a Toyota Corolla is a very good car, but it's of no material use if you want to tow a 40-foot caravan! And two, my mother isn't the kind of person who'd have said, "Okay, if you'd prefer a certain doctor, that's fine, but you might have to wait a couple of days to get in." And, as the doctor I thought was okay was a lady, my mother didn't believe that men should see female doctors unless, a) it's a specialist that they have to see, or, b) it's say a late night emergency and they're the only one on duty.
Okay, my male rheumatologist is an exception, he's a lovely gentleman, and I saw a female neurologist who was downright rude.
There is an Australian politician who is as disgusting as the neurologist, who claimed that she was "Fed up to the back teeth with hearing about protecting the vulnerable." My response to that is, "A true display of your humanity is not how you treat those who can do everything for you but those who can do nothing for you."
A person who is chronically ill might surprise a potential partner, if we take the example of a dialysis patient. If you are a patient on peritoneal dialysis, you might well have it that it's not that your partner won't help you with anything, but you might say to them, "It's okay, I can do it myself." And wash your hands, set up the dialysate, drain the fluid from your abdomen, refill with new dialysate and recap the catheter and then get back to what you were doing. Or, if you have haemodialysis, it might be that you put a vest, a book, game or pack of cards in a backpack and put your arm around your partner and kiss them on the cheek and say, "See you later," and you drive yourself to the clinic and have your session and come home.
I disagree with people who believe, such as the ridiculous doctor, that the only way to be happy is to have a family (okay, I'll qualify that, getting married and having kids isn't the only way to be happy. Your family might be an eclectic bunch of people. It might be, you, your partner, a parent or parent-in-law and a kid. It might be a couple and a parent, brother or sister-in-law, or it might just be a bunch of good friends).
If I had kidney disease that required dialysis, I would want to do what I needed to do myself, and, if I had a partner, I would want to be able to have her let me do that, and later on, sit on the sofa and put an arm around her shoulders and she puts her head on my shoulder or chest and we watch TV. I am single, but I've got some lovely friends.
And, no, you're right with everything you say.