SELF-LOVE.

"Doesn't he love himself? God," were the words I could remember her saying about a man I saw on television singing. I didn't understand exactly what was being said and I remember when I was in Year Seven when a religious education teacher asked if we loved ourselves. I feared it was a bad thing to do, as I had long heard this from my mother. The religious education teacher said, Before you can love anybody else, you have to love yourself."

If ever some right-wing person tells me to "grow up," my response (after blocking them on social media) is, "If it means being like you, I think I'll pass."

The only way I accept growing, in relation to human beings, other than being physically taller or bigger, is by the Alcoholics Anonymous definition. The serenity prayer asking for the grace to accept the things you can't change, the strength to do the things you can change and the wisdom you need.

There are things about you that you cannot change. I mean, I went to school with a guy who was a nice fellow (he stuck up for me when he felt the teachers were being harsh), he had a kind heart towards animals and deplored cruelty, yet he didn't like talking about the fact that his great-great-grandmother was Chinese. Okay, he deplored commercial whaling and the Yulin Dog Slaughter, but I say, just because his great-great-grandmother was Chinese doesn't mean to say that he is associated with that and that he had the right to just accept it but not want to talk about it, and people shouldn't judge him for it.

In parents cases, a parent cannot help if their child is LGBTIQA, autistic or in any way different to the so-called norm. Nor can a parent actively or passively change it!

You can't change your past, but you can aim to be different in the future. You can, however, think about what you've done and aim to be different in the future. You can choose to quit smoking, quit drinking or whatever else.

One thing that I go by is, "There, but for the grace of God, go I," which I take to mean, I am lucky to be here, and I can't do much about other people and maybe I was lucky not to fall into the same traps that they did. Looking back on my life, I could have turned to alcohol to numb the pain, but I didn't. I could have turned to illegal drugs, but I didn't. That doesn't make me better than someone who has, though.

By accepting that I am autistic, I have been able to be me. By finding my neuro-tribe, I have found my people. I have found that it is far easier to find my people than trying to be a chameleon. If you try to be a chameleon, you cannot have a core identity.

I remembered a teacher saying of people, "When you're of Olympic Standard, you can criticise." I can remember, I almost wanted to retort to my ex-girlfriend, when she told me I had a face only a mother could love, "When you're elected Miss Universe, you can criticise, and if you are Miss Universe and think like that, you don't deserve to be Miss Universe."

There is, of course, a difference between loving yourself and being a narcissistic psychopath. A narcissist doesn't love themselves, they have an inflated ego, as well as a sense of arrogance. Loving yourself is about accepting yourself for who you are. Also, there is a difference between the narcissistic psychopath and the low self-esteem bully.

So, that religious saying I heard was right, "Before you can love anybody else, you have to love yourself." How can you see beauty in another if you can't see it in yourself?