RESPECT FOR BODILY AUTONOMY.

I don't particularly care for tabloid television that passes as news and current affairs, but today I saw a segment about whether or not it is right to force kids to hug and kiss relatives, in some cases whom they may not have seen since last Christmas.

Just like looking after means different things to different people (I knew someone who said that they looked after their car, they weren't concerned about cleanliness of it, they claimed to service it regularly, even though that was only changing the oil and the like, they ignored a screeching water pump that caused the car to come to a screeching halt in the middle of an intersection, necessitating a tow to the mechanic's, costing more money, and tried to have a mechanic not replace brake pads that were barely legal. The fictional Redmond Mountford* kept his four wheel drive clean and shiny, but he drove it in a careless manner, by not downshifting the gears and then later complaining of a "knock in the engine") demonstrating love can be done in different ways by different people. Just because somebody does not like being cuddled doesn't mean to say that they are not loving. I mean, one reason why I have an affinity with the cat is that he is not a cuddly cat, yes, he'll jump onto my lap, or rub noses with me, or rub himself up against me, but only when he wants to, if you pick him up and he doesn't want to be cuddled, he lets you know.

What is one thing that kids will grow into, given the right circumstances? Adults. And what do adults do? They tend to seek out people to form loving relationships. Okay, it might seem natural enough that a person may be happy with their partner doing something, but not a stranger; hence the difference between love-making and rape; one is consensual, the other is not, even though both may involve part of a similar act.

There have been people in the community who scoff at the idea of someone asking if they can change a baby's nappy, but don't forget that it is an intimate act within itself and can lead to the assault of children.

Non-consensual touching was also the catalyst behind a complaint I made about a medical professional at one point. I had my autonomy ripped from me when I was twelve by being forced by my mother to see a doctor I did not like, and it was almost like being assaulted by kids I went to school with. I was assaulted by another male at school who pulled my pants down (some may say that is skylarking, but you NEVER do that to another person, that is humiliation and assault. At the age of twenty-eight, I was assaulted by another medical professional who performed a non-consensual intimate exam. (At the other extreme, I had another six years earlier, who did not think that I knew that when they come to you with a tongue depresser and otoscope that they want to look down your throat. Okay, "Could you just open your mouth for me, please?" is adequate for an adult, not, "Now, could you open your mouth and I'll have a little look down your throat?" in a condescending voice). Yes, I understand that an intimate exam can be necessary, but, in the case I presented with, you inform the patient by saying, "One of the possible causes of your problem is such and such, and to rule that out, I need to perform a digital exam that involves such and such. Will you give me permission to do so?" You do NOT remove the patient's clothing and tell them to lie on their side and say, "Little bit uncomfortable". One of the things I also say for doctors dealing with autistic adults is ALWAYS assume competence.

By forcing kids to hug relatives, society is sending a negative view about autonomy and rights. On the one hand, a kid may not be one who likes being cuddled, or on the other hand, they may not feel as strong an attachment to that relative or friend. With the empowering #MeToo Movement, we have seen how powerful males have offered females advancement in their careers if they agree to sexual grooming or activity, and let us not forget, for all the talk of stranger danger, MANY cases of sexual assault (a former cricket umpire is one such example) have involved relatives or family friends. One such individual whose confession that he had never touched a child he didn't know made him a more dangerous predator than a strange man offering kids lollies out of a car window, as he would ingratiate himself onto the parents first.

We go by the idea that "If you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person" and you will meet some autistic people who are very cuddly and some who are not. You may even find that some who are not affectionate towards family may be very affectionate towards strangers, which may cause its own issues.

As we approach the festive season, it is important for families to be aware of kids autonomy, if a child is not comfortable hugging or kissing someone, DON'T force it. If a child is comfortable, let them do it, if the adult consents. But above all, respect and be guided by the child, especially if you want to raise confident, aware kids.

• Ghosts From The Past and The Hare and the Tortoise.