One of my biggest hurdles is my family, and I don't mean a wife and kids; I mean a brother, sister-in-law, niece, nephew and parents. I lived by myself for a number of years, but the costs of rent became too high. My parents would often drop around unannounced or at short notice. One thing I would have wanted, but couldn't bring myself to ask for, as my folks would want to know why, was to be able to say, "Okay, I've got to go and see my rheumatologist on Saturday morning. (I didn't have to do that every Saturday, mind you). So, I want to have that appointment, do some grocery shopping and go to the chemist, and then say, between two o'clock Saturday afternoon and four o'clock Sunday afternoon, I just want me time. I've got things I want to do at home alone." So, my routine would be, Friday night, remove my body hair from my trunk, arms and legs. Then, Saturday morning, wake up, have breakfast and a shave and shower and brush my teeth. Go out dressed in male clothes. See my rheumatologist, do some grocery shopping and go to the chemist. Then, come home, bring in the washing that I'd done earlier, draw the blinds and have the place in semi-darkness, lock myself in, have a second shower and change into women's clothes (say a crop top and 3/4 pants in summer and jeans and top in winter. And spend the weekend dressed as a woman. Then, during the week, on days when I didn't have to go anywhere, dress as a woman at home. Once I was ready, I would start to do it publicly, but I'd wear a full-length shirt and capri pants in public.

I know it's not too late, but I am eager to do it. I feel, in a sense, like a gay man I was talking to, who was married for 30 odd years to a woman, but after divorcing, entered a partnership with a man.

I often think about how nice it would be to be able to have a relationship with a woman as a woman. Touching each other as two women.

I don't relate to other men and am always the odd one out, but I can relate to a woman but sometimes feel shut out because I can't relate to men but am not accepted as an honorary woman. Now, it's time to be who I really am.