NEVER UNDERESTIMATE A HOBBY.

“But they’re just hobbies, Mate,” were the words from a deliberately unpleasant former housemate of mine, to my writing and drawing. Okay, I have found that I’m better at writing than drawing, but writing was something my therapist got me to do to help increase my self-esteem.

I remember the former Deputy Principal of my old high school saying that you could start learning music at 13, 14 or even 15 and still make a career out of it. While that’s true, I remembered an ex-girlfriend of mine who believed that she was going to be a superstar with her own private jet. I tried to tell her that some people who make a career out of music are music teachers, to which she replied, “But, a music teacher gets a teacher’s wage.” Well, that may be true, but Donna Lewis of “I Love You, Always Forever,” fame, worked as a music teacher for a year before being offered a recording contract, and one piece of wisdom I tried to pass on to my ex-girlfriend was that many singers, actors and other entertainers frequently say, well, those who are down to earth, anyway, that you need something to fall back on.

There were different reasons for saying what they said, even if they appear contradictory, in the first case, my former housemate was probably just bitter because he sold 60 copies of his books over two weeks (well, it’s always challenging to convince the buying public to go for an unknown) and yes, it’s not uncommon for people to be able to turn a hobby into something bigger, but it’s a balancing act between having dreams and keeping your feet firmly on the ground.

I’m not knocking my ex-girlfriend’s desire to be a singer, but a more down to earth way to handle it would have been, “Okay, I have to see if I can get a gig,” then, if I can get a gig, I might get someone who can help me record a demo tape. Then, if I can do that, I have to send it away and see if I can get a recording contract. Then, if I can get a recording contract, I can release an album. Then, I’ve got to hope that people will buy it.

We live in uncertain times, and I say, in these times, it’s very important for people to be able to have a hobby to be able to fill in time and distract themselves from a daily diet of figures and images of new cases of COVID19. I am not saying that we should bury our heads in the sand and ignore COVID19, but, once a day on the news, you can watch it, not hour after hour of media saturation.

For autistic people, a hobby or special interest is vital to mental health. What I say to people also, is DON’T and I mean DON’T tell an autistic person that if they want to make friends with people, they have to stop talking about their special interests. What you NEED to do is find them a place where they can partake in them. One thing that used to annoy me with my mother was, my brother liked cricket (he watches it now, rather than playing it) and he played for a club, but he would want to play at home, even though I hated cricket and she’d say, “But he doesn’t get a fair go at the club. He’s at the lower end of the batting and when he comes out to bat, the captain declares.” Well, yes, I sympathise, but that means he’s either in the wrong club, or he doesn’t speak up for himself enough.” I remember a guy who was a soccer coach and a lackey and security guard who told me he was disappointed with his son as he put him in as goal keeper and he didn’t want to be there so he let goals go through. I said that you have to tell him that in professional league that could lead to accusations of match fixing, but also, that you may be his Dad, but as a coach, you can’t, or you shouldn’t, express favouritism.

I believe, and rightly so, that if you have children and one loves an activity and the other hates it, that the one who hates it shouldn’t have to play all the time. If my mother had said to my brother, “Okay, you like cricket and your brother hates it, so we have to come to an understanding that, okay, your brother will have to play sometimes, in the backyard, but not all day everyday. You might have to see if a friend wants to come over and play with you, instead.” But she didn’t. Alternatively, you might have an autistic child who is fascinated by dinosaurs, or whatever else, and you might find it annoying, but what you can do is say, “Okay, you can talk to me about dinosaurs at this time. I don’t mind you reading about them, or whatever, but I don’t want to talk about them constantly.” My mother used to tell me to stop talking about Japan, but she didn’t stop me from reading about it or learning about it. She used to think it strange how I used to pore over maps in an atlas, and read encyclopedias. She couldn’t understand why, when we had to go and see those people who annoyed me, I had to spend the afternoon reading books to calm myself down.

So, if a hobby is not hurting anybody, and it gives someone a sense of grounding, let them do it. A hobby may lead to many places, but it is vital for mental health.