My gender dysphoria is complex. I don't like having body hair, so I use cream on my arms and chest (I will start on my legs) and I would like to have breasts, albeit small ones.

Another aspect driving my dysphoria that I'd like to describe is complicated and nuanced. I'll give one example, and NO, it's not about women's spaces. I feel more comfortable with women than what I do with men. I don't relate on the same level as men (for example, if I talk about cars, I want to know where they're made not how fast they go). Another area that I want to examine is, I feel more comfortable with a female doctor than a male doctor (history of abuse). I remember the case of a man who was imprisoned after several assaults on female doctors and his modus operandi was, he'd walk into a medical center and ask to see a female doctor, and the receptionist would say, "Oh, Dr. So and So is available now," and he'd say, "No, I want a female doctor," and so, he'd get his wish. He'd go in and he'd say that he had a pain near his groin and the doctor would say, "Okay, lie up on the couch and lower your pants and I'll have a look." He'd get the doctor to touch near his groin and move towards his testes and he'd get an erection. A female doctor would ask a male colleague to come in and his erection would go down. I'm very happy with the doctor I've got, but my gastroenterologist will be retiring in a few years, and I will be wanting another female one, and I'd like to be able to, in the future, be able to say, "Can I have a female doctor, please?" And if someone asks why, be able to reply, "Despite my voice, I am female." "Oh, okay. What's your name?" And I tell them and they say, "Okay, I understand."

I have never been attracted to men, so I know I'm not a gay man, but, also, for me, the thought of having a girlfriend, post-transition, and being able to love her like a woman is a beautiful thought. I may still have a penis, but I would like to have an orchiectomy.