MOVING FROM ONE GROUP TO ANOTHER.
Today, I saw an article by an author about people moving from one social group to another and how should you you do it. My response is, “Before you ask how, ask why.” This was for teenagers and youth, while it may be said to be wasted on the young, it is also a time of vulnerability.
If you wish to move from one group to another because you may think it will give you more street cred or social standing, you have to ask the question “Why?” If you want to join another group because it will improve your social standing, you are a pretty shallow person. And what if those people find you’re not really one of them? They won’t want you around. And chances are, the people you want to leave won’t have you back with open arms.
If, however, you want to leave because your values clash, or because a member of the group, who is very dominant, is trying to get you to do things you know are wrong, then you’re breaking away for the right reasons. Examples of this are chroming, smoking, using illicit drugs or breaking laws. Often times, someone who thinks they are trendy or a trendsetter, will try to push a person to smoke, and they’ll say, “Oh, come on! One won’t kill you!” Well, I remember, one day, in Year Nine, when we were talking about the upcoming school cross-country run, a kid in my class said, “Oh, we can sneak off and have a smoke.” I didn’t smoke. The teacher told us about a guy who was an athlete and an asthmatic. His doctor told him not to smoke. Anyway, during the school cross country, he decided to have a smoke (by himself or with others, I’m not sure), and he had a severe asthma attack. A few girls coming up later found him and his face had signs of cyanosis. They tried to revive him, and an ambulance was called, but he was dead, and could not be revived. So, one cigarette did kill him. I remember, on the school cross country, a kid in my year, who was a right pain in the arse, was pretending to smoke and he was saying to me, “Here, come and have some of this! Real good shit!” I was annoyed, because I didn’t have time for such juvenile acts, and snapped at him. I then remember a pest at school, trying to convince me that nori seaweed he had was marijuana, and I said no, and he kept the nonsense up. I told him to get lost, but he wouldn’t! I told him I could see through his garbage!
Sometimes, it can be better to be alone, rather than to have a group to be around. And if you break away from a group and you want to get back in, maybe it’s better to wait until they ask you, and if they say that someone isn’t part of the group anymore, make sure that they aren’t setting a trap for you. People will do things like that.
And, I say to people, remember, it takes more strength to say no to something you know is wrong than what it is to do it to think it looks cool. In the olden days of movies, smoking was considered glamorous or tough, but spending you last years with an oxygen tank by your side gasping for breath is no picnic. And inhaling spray paint that can cause brain damage or be fatal is no picnic, either.
Challenging authority can be good in some areas, but I remember, when I was in Year Twelve, our Year Co-Ordinator addressing us on Year Assembly in May, and saying, “We don’t care what you do on your afternoon off school. But, don’t go to the pub!” This was met with some laughter but most of us were aghast! He then told us what some of us already knew, which was, if we were old enough to drink (18) we should go home and change and then go out. A nearby hotel had rung up and complained about a group of guys in school uniform who went to the drive-through of a nearby pub! He said the same for smoking. Those guys were not a challenge to authority, and nor were they victims of addiction.
It takes more strength to say, “No, I’ve thought about it, and I don’t want to smoke,” than what it does to accept a cigarette you don’t want.
So bear this in mind. It’s okay to want to change groups, but do it for the right reasons. Street cred is not one of them.