MEDICAL ADVICE I DON’T REGRET IGNORING.

“What do you think will happen if you get sick, again, and I have to take you up to see that doctor, again? What do you think he’ll say? You’re still puny! You haven’t done anything to develop a chest like I told you.” These were the words my mother said to me three months before my 17th Birthday when I was regularly feeling ill and would vomit.

Fortunately, the former situation didn’t develop, BUT, what contributed to me feeling ill and vomiting was coeliac disease. I had seen this doctor some years earlier who skinny shamed me as much as the woman at the Brisbane Exhibition who gave me the print out of my height and weight which I had to get because my brother wanted to get his and my mother sent me in to get mine!

Part of the reason why I didn’t want to lift weights and do the other things was many of the bullies at school, especially one who was a latter day Lothario, had ultra-masculine physiques and muscular chests and I didn’t want to be like them. Another reason was that I always felt wrong about my masculinity and I have never felt very manly.

I remember at around the time of my 14th Birthday, I was on a holiday with my family and I read anything I could get my hands on. I remember even reading my mother’s New Idea. In that magazine, I saw a story about a transwoman and her struggles and how many people, when first introduced to her, remarked how beautiful a woman she was and were shocked to learn that she was AMAB. It was something I had to keep hidden as it was something I secretly wanted to do. Later that same year, I read an article, during the summer holidays, about a transwoman in my local area who, like me, from when she started high school, was regularly addressed with, “Hey, p-word for homosexual.”

Had I taken that doctor’s advice, my dysphoria would have been worse and transitioning would have been harder. As it is now, without that huge muscle on my chest, I should hopefully find it easier to transition and develop breasts, instead. My torso has always been hourglass shape, and I am happy with that.