LETTER TO 18-YEAR-OLD SELF FOR THIS WEEK.

Dear Peter,

Well, on Friday, you will have finished your first semester at university, and have secured your quota place when your results come out. You will be able to pursue your passions of Japanese and history, but maybe you should consider ethics as a minor. You think you’re happy at the university where you are, at the moment, but some of the wrong things are keeping you there. You will find happiness at a different university soon.

I know why you want to be friendly with that woman you met on your first day of lectures. You were treated so badly by your own kind at university, but you will learn the not so easy way that she is not the right woman for you, and let’s not forget that she seems to have a clean out of her friends each year. In a few months time, a man who she knew will see you and tell he hasn’t seen her for ages, even though he took her out for dinner, and you’re taking her out for lunch next week. A better idea would be to cancel that lunch and if she wants to invite you to a party and then organize something different without telling you, she’s not worth worrying about. You’re nicer than that.

You’re young, and vulnerable right now. And people around you are pressuring you and shaming you about your body. You don’t want to be a muscle man. Remember those articles you read four years earlier? 30 years from now, you’ll have the confidence to follow those two. By that stage, you’ll have as many tomorrows ahead of you as yesterdays, hopefully. And life is too short. Even if you only have another 40 years of yesterdays ahead of you, you can take the next step in living as your authentic self.

Next month, a man will get the wrong impression. Don’t get me wrong. It’s good that on Sunday you’ll sit down with the Sunday paper and the TV Guide and want to watch the episode of GP, where Peter Phelps’s character is raped by an old school chum, and you’ll try to empathize with that man who thinks you want that. He’s one of two people. If he’s telling you the truth about being raped, he could be somebody who wants revenge. If he has an STI, he might want to give it to you. Or, he might be innocent. You’re very innocent, and maybe you should have had someone a bit more experienced to watch that episode of GP with, who could have helped you deconstruct it. Your father was looking out for you, but it will be years before he changes his mind. He even thinks you led the guy on, but you didn’t. You don’t lean towards guys, but you’re not comfortable with being one, either.

By the time you read this letter, you will have a stronger sense of self. That woman won’t mean anything to you. Nor will the guy.

Love your future self,

Peter.