I went to school with a guy who is gay. When I found out that he was gay, I wasn't surprised because despite his shame about it, there were telltale signs. I also went to school with someone who has transitioned male to female, and when I found out, I thought, "What?"

If we take the example of a middle-aged man whose wife walks in and finds him in bed with another woman, she might compare herself, but if she walks in and find him in bed with another man, she might think that she doesn't know him at all. Sometimes, the woman might say that she still loves him but not in the same way. If a woman marries a man and unless she has a sneaking suspicion early on, and he then goes to her and says he wants to transition to be a woman, she might be horrified, or she might be sympathetic. The second person I mentioned above is married and has kids, and I suspect that she told her wife that she wanted to transition, and her wife said, "Okay." But I don't know if they still share a bed, or not and it's not my business.