I knew a man once, who was very racist. He and my father were out in his car, and my father saw an Asian woman whose car had broken down. My father suggested that they stop and give her a hand. The racist man drew back on the cigarette he was smoking, made a racist remark and kept driving. About six years later, the man was telling my mother that they went to a Chinese restaurant for tea, which he described as "quite good" and he also went to dinner at a Chinese restaurant paid for by a Vietnamese client of the company his wife and my father worked for. But guess what?! After his mother died, four years before the second events, his sister, who was not racist and privy to some family history that he wasn't, told him that their great-grandfather was Chinese! Well, he didn't take that well! A person can have Asian or Black friends and still be a racist, because, if they're like this man, they make exceptions when and where it suits them.

Some of the response to whether or not those friends you made would invite you to their place for Thanksgiving Dinner is more nuanced than a simple yes or no. Some people will, if they know you're going to be on your own, and they have only their immediate family present, invite you to their house for Thanksgiving, or Christmas, for that matter. I think what can be in the back of some people's minds is, once, you invite someone to your house for Thanksgiving, and it's a kind gesture and they're moved, twice, "Gee, thanks," and a third time, they'll say, "What time should I come for Thanksgiving Dinner?" and you think, "Oh, no, not this year!" or you say, "Sorry, but we're going to my in-laws' for Thanksgiving, this year." And they say, "What do you mean?!" And also, no doubt there will be women who, if you asked them about transwomen in women's sport, might say, "Yeah, there's one who plays in my netball, soccer, softball team," but she might be more of a team-mate than a friend. That's not to say that she'd walk the other way if she saw her at the supermarket, but just that that sport might be all they have in common.

Yes, things have gotten better for transgender folks, which has given me the confidence to come out, too.