I am feeling a bit anxious as last weekend, something happened with my father, and I said something about gay men my age, and my mother asked me if I was gay and I replied, "Would it matter if I was?" My father said no. Why I feel anxious around my mother is, I knew a man who was gay and his partner's father, after his partner's mother died, told him that he was only pretending for his wife and that he didn't want to see his son again. His other children have nothing to do with him. And my mother said that his father was entitled to do that!

I am hoping to start a testosterone blocker and then have an orchiectomy after a few months and then use more female hormones to transition.

How I describe myself around men is his. My father worked with a man who looked a bit like Captain Robert Lewis (same hairstyle, same shape head) and had a German surname and his first name was Alf. It was like a German person saw his name and thought, "Yes, he's German," and they rang him and started speaking in German and he's, "Woo, steady on! My surname is German, but I've never been to Germany, and I don't speak the language." It's more internal that external.