I agree with Lee-Gwen that, for example, a 45 year old calling someone their "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" sounds a bit like reliving your teenage years. I believe that just like they say, "If you've met one autistic person you've met one autistic person," if you've met one gay person you've met one gay person, and you mirror back what they tell you.

I HATE it when someone says, "Peter has autism." I ask them to say, "Peter is autistic". Identity first language.

I agree that the analogy you gave at the beginning is a microaggression (just like my mother telling my sister-in-law that it would be wonderful if there was a cure for autism in front of me) as while it might be intended one way, what it really means is, "I know you're different, but I accept you because you're like other people in my sphere."