I agree. I mean, my uncle is married with two adult children now, but before I was born and when I was a baby, he was having purely sexual relationships with married women. What he'd do would be he'd wear khaki coveralls and he'd arrive at the woman's house and sometimes, he'd be in bed with the woman and he'd hear the garage door open and she'd whisper, "Quick! My husband's home early!" so he'd have to dress quickly, or, in one case, he was at a house that was two level and there was a balcony backing out onto the bedroom and the woman shooed him out and he had to scale the railing with his shoes and clothes tucked under his arm and jump down into the backyard. Sometimes, he'd arrive at the woman's house and her husband would be home and he'd knock on the side door and her husband would answer and he'd say, standing there in a pair of khaki coveralls and boots, "I'm with Telecom, and we're just digging around the corner and we think we've struck phonelines. We just want to make sure your phone's still working." The woman's husband would pick it up and come back and say, "Yeah, it's fine." And that'd be that. At one point, he was casually dating the woman next door but that ended when my father saw her driving my uncle's car and recognised it.

My uncle could be silly at times, though, and he had some really nice women, but he had some really black and white thinking, and smoking was a deal breaker. In some cases, the woman might have said, "Well, I had a puff on a Winfield Blue behind the toilet in the Science Block when I was in Year Nine," and he'd say, "Right, that's it."

In many cases, the response to the man having the extramarital affair tends, amongst male friends, to be one of bravado, or amongst some females, sympathy. And most times, it is assumed that the man's wife is not paying him enough attention. And if a woman is having an extramarital affair, she is viewed as having loose morals.

And you're right, usually, in the case of an extramarital affair, it is the partner in the relationship who is the pursuer, not the other way around. A trap that some women, especially younger women can fall into, if they have an affair with, usually an older, married man, is that he promises that he'll leave his wife but he rarely does. The reason for this, especially if the domestic dynamics are based along outdated gender roles, is that the married man is enjoying the excitement of the pursuit and his life is basically, he wakes up in the morning and has a shower and his wife has a clean pair of underpants, socks and a clean shirt in the bathroom waiting for him, and he emerges from the bathroom and his wife's got his breakfast on the table for him and he'll arrive home to find his tea in the fridge, yet he's taking his girlfriend out to lunch. He's also aware that if he tells his younger girlfriend that he's down to his last clean shirt that she'd say, "The washing machine's in the laundry and the iron's in the hall cupboard."

I remember, with my long-ago ex-girlfriend, she didn't like the fact that I preferred to do the laundry and ironing (she would rather have paid a cleaning lady while she sat around watching TV). She thought it weird that someone assigned male at birth would know how to do that. Or to cook (she preferred to be taken out). One thing that she wasn't aware of is, she was reading to me from some tabloid magazine about the reasons some women gave as to why they cheated on their partners and one reason given was "he bought me a car." What she was too arrogant to realise though, is, rarely is it the case that a man says to a woman, "I tell you what. You sleep with me once a week for however long and I'll buy you a new car." If a woman comes home and her husband says, "Where did you get that car from?" the excuse that she won the casket doesn't wash. And what she was too arrogant to understand also was, sometimes, it really does take two to tango and if the man has a roving eye and the woman is a gold digger, if she wants more, he might buy her a car to buy her off or keep her silent.