GENDER CRITICS SOMETIMES TWIST FACTS.
When I was 12, I went on a holiday to a small seaside town, with my family. The time of the holiday was pivotal for me, as the week before was hell for me at school, but was relieved only a guy in Year Ten to whom I was grateful. There was a kid in my class, who was diminutive in stature, who aligned himself with a bully, who said that that week was my week, as it was the bully’s last week at the school, so he had to make the most of it. The bully had been mouthing off to a guy in Year Ten, who physically retaliated, and the kid left school halfway through the Wednesday. The diminutive kid said that I was lucky the kid didn’t come to school that day because he was going to really get me. Anyway, I digress, but my mother went into a couple of shops and then said, “The man I spoke to in this shop was nice. The man I spoke to in the surf shop was nice,” and I thought, “Okay, he had no need not to be. But also, as I was to learn on a road trip the following year, country people, and people in small towns rely upon one another, and tourists who stop by, even if it is only for a cup of coffee, whereas for city people, if they can’t get what they want at one shop, there’s another one down the road.”
Some people have said that some small towns are dying because as the kids grow up, they leave for the city and they don’t return. So, they call upon city people to make a sea change or a tree change. What they don’t always consider is, some people who make a sea change or tree change, do so, but after as little as two years for some, they return to the city. This can be, as it was in the case of a neighbour when I lived elsewhere, that they miss family or friends, or because they develop a medical condition and the treatment is better in the city, or, it can also be, that if the person is a bit different, such as being LGBTIQA or autistic, that they are not accepted by the community and move back to the city. And sometimes, it can be because their expectations are unrealistic.
I have been watching a show called “First Day” that, even though it was made with assistance from The Australian Children’s Television Foundation or Network, I believe is something that parents and kids of many ages should watch and discuss. It’s about a young teenager, who’s starting high school, who is transitioning. Born Thomas, but adopted the name Hannah, and the character is played by Evie McDonald, who is trans, it outlines the struggle for acceptance.
Evie was fortunate, in that despite her father being excited when he saw the ultrasound that he would have a boy, when she said that she was really a girl, her father accepted it, and Evie has grown her hair long and ties it back. Many older trans folk aren’t so fortunate because of the time at which they were born. Puberty blockers weren’t available then, and hence they developed the wrong puberty before they could transition.
Right wing gender critics are quick to jump on reports of a person who de-transitions, claiming that the science is flawed or whatever other preposterous claims they cite. What can sometimes occur is, as the older trans person has undergone puberty, they think that they should be able to look like a cisgender person. So, a transwoman who is subjected to male pattern baldness, for example, may say, “Oh, my hair’s not re-growing,” or the like.
I believe that a good therapist doesn’t say to a person who wishes to transition and meets the criteria, “Oh, I wouldn’t do it,” but rather, “There will be ups and downs. Your expectations have to be realistic, though.” For a transwoman, that might mean a wig.
The greatest argument that could be put to a transgender skeptic or a gender critic is, “That is why puberty blockers must be available.” So that, if a child is uncomfortable in their birth sex, they can halt the process. And let’s not forget, if a child changes their mind, they can stop taking the blockers and puberty will progress as customary.
As I think back to my own days, I remember disgusting kids, especially the bully I referred to above, saying to me, “Are you a boy or a girl?” I wasn’t happy being a boy, but, just like with the bully, I didn’t have a mother who would have said, “Okay, let’s see if there’s something to help.” I remember telling her how I HATED doing some games at school where it was boys against girls as I always felt like I was on the wrong team. I had to play on the boys side, even though it didn’t feel right. If I had my time, today, I know that my mother wouldn’t have sat down with my father and said, “Well, look, that school might be the closest, but when it comes to high school, it will have to be a school where they’re not known. And, it will mean we have to ask the principal about uniforms.” I could just have imagined it, although it doesn’t bear thinking about, if I had been able to wear a female uniform at school, and the bully was around. I wouldn’t have wanted to have worn a skirt, though, I would have wanted to have worn the uniform top and a pair of slacks. She would have said, “No, you have to be a boy.”
I think of the Serenity Prayer and “The grace to accept the things I can’t change,” and say, in this context, “I can’t do anything about the fact that puberty blockers weren’t available when I was ten. I can’t do anything about the fact that my mother wouldn’t let me wear dresses, yet when I went to stay with my aunty, my cousin, who was like a sister, used to let me wear her dresses. What I can do, though, if it means that much to me, is say that my transition might not be perfect, but I am not obligated to pass to satisfy ciswomen. I might have to wear a wig, but the choice is mine.”
Gender critics need to be aware of something else. The most violent and the most vocal homophobes are typically self-loathing homosexuals, so is it the case that the vocal gender critics, in reality, are self-loathing transgender people who lack the courage to live as their true selves? And are their expectations realistic?